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While it’s okay for conversations about white supremacy to make you uncomfortable (hey, we should be uncomfortable with that shit), being generally aware of how race plays out and feeling fairly well versed in Being honest about the ways in which race is complex – both inside and outside of your relationship – shows a willingness to engage with a part of your partner’s identity and experience in a way that really holds them.

As a woman, I know that sometimes talking about gender with a male partner – even if he’s well versed in all things feminist – can feel exhausting.

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You’ve dated a long line of losers—deadbeats, cheaters, manipulators.

They all belonged to your racial group, so you figure you’ll have better luck dating someone of a different race.

Sometimes I don’t want to chat with someone who only has a theoretical understanding of gender oppression.

Sometimes I want to talk to someone who just gets it.

That is, unless you count my first boyfriend – José – who, in the second grade, long-distance collect-called me from Puerto Rico and got me in a lot of trouble with my dad. But I think it’s worth revisiting these concepts within the context of romantic or sexual relationships. And the way we practice our allyship in those contexts should reflect that.